Leaving a toxic relationship rarely feels like a win, or a victory. Most of the time it feels like standing in the middle of a home you built that you don’t want or recognise anymore. Looking at the broken pieces of your peace, your self worth and confidence, wondering how you got here and where to begin again, how to start again, can you start again. Well, I say you can. Because you are strong and powerful woman, even if you don’t feel that right now.
When you walk away from an unhealthy toxic relationship, whether it is fueled with subtle manipulation, emotional invalidation, or constant walking on eggshells, the hardest part isn’t missing the person, it’s the part where you grieve the version of you that you that got lost trying to keep your your relationship alive.
If you are currently navigating this unspoken, heavy space, know this; healing after a toxic relationship is not about ‘getting back to who you used to be’. It is about meeting the woman you are right now and choosing to build her back up with kindness, gentleness, clarity, compassion, and with unconditional love and respect. The first few chapters in Healing Her talk about and guide you through this space.
Here are four compassionate steps to help you begin reclaiming yourself after toxic love.
- Stop looking for closure from the person who hurt you. This is one of the greatest traps in emotional recovery after a toxic ex is waiting for an apology that isn’t coming. Realise that closure is not something someone else gives you. It is a boundary you set with yourself. Deciding that you no longer need them to understand your pain to be valid is the moment your healing begins.
- Grieve both parts of the relationship, the illusion, not just the reality. Toxic relationships often run on inconsistent validation, high highs and devasting lows. When the relationship ends, your brain doesn’t just miss the person, it misses the potential of who you hoped they would become. To releasse the hold this has on your heart, you must give yourself permission to grieve two things. The reality, the stress and anxiety and the loss of yourpeace. The potential, the dream of what you wanted the relationship to be.
- Rebuild your broken self trust.Your intuition is often questioned or dismissed or flipped back on you, Over time you stop trusting your own gut feelings. Start making small daily promises to yourself and keeping them. When a boundary feels needed, honour it without apologising. Remind yourself daily that your feelings are valid, your intuition is clear, and you are safe in trusting your own judgement.
- Reconnect with the women outside this relationship. When you spend years managin someone else’s emotions you forget what brings you joy, peace and happiness.
Your healing involves asking some questions. What did you stop doing while you were in this relationship, that you would like to rekindle? What does your ideal day look like? What you you love to do?
You are not starting from scratch, you are starting from experince, everyboundary you set today is step back toward your life, youe freedom, your choices.
Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time. Healing is not a straight line, but ebbs and flows. Some days will feel estactic and free and other sad and scared and unsure. Give yourself time and grace, give yourself space. You are rebuilding something wonderful, the rest of your life, it deserves time and patience.
Remember you are stronger than you know, you can create the life of your dreams, and you deserve that. You deserve to live a life your way, filled with all you desire. Stay the course beautiful, I believe in you.
